The Beautiful Frangipani Tree – Rev’d Mary-Anne Rulfs
We have a beautiful frangipanni tree in our back yard. And this year, with all the rain, it has returned to being a lush and shady presence, much appreciated on hot days. And the flowers have been gorgeous – like the tree in Psalm 1 that bears fruit in season.
Now it’s February, and the frangipanni leaves are falling …
I rake them every morning and most evenings. Some are crispy yellow, others velvety or leathery. They seem ideal for compost, yet they are not, because of their peculiar yellow fungus. So, into the green wheelie bin they go!
February is when I fall a little too. Every year I notice a slight dip of my spirits. The year is underway. Will the plans I’ve made and aspirations I’ve dreamed for myself prove too ambitious? As the year settles into its new rhythm, I wonder about these things. I have an unhealthy habit of doubting myself and questioning what I’ve clearly discerned and decided.
And that doesn’t come from nowhere. What does? Lots of factors play a role in this, like my personality and the legacy of influences as I grew up, as well as the dynamics of relationships throughout my adult life. Friends, family, colleagues and mentors. Incredibly creative forces have shaped in me a willingness to give anything a go – figuring out how to do something, quietly determined and confident in my own capacity.
Yet there were always destructive forces too, screaming the question, ‘who do you think you are?’.
Mum’s birthday is in February, the day before mine. Another reason why I fall a little. This is the second February since Mum’s death. I loved her. She loved us. I admired her for her creativity and bravery. I was also frightened of her – really frightened, to the point of being terrified as an adult of the harm she may bring to others or herself if I chose to do something she disagreed with, like take my children to see my grandmother or my aunt, for example. Celebrating her birthday was difficult, especially for the many years of my adult life when I didn’t want to ignore her birthday – that’s not normal towards someone you love – and yet more often than not it was fraught. There would be arguments. Disappointments. Hurt. Sadness.
My birthday, the day after, would be clouded in this. And my own family didn’t always know what to do with that. Why would they? It was weird! I so wanted to enjoy my birthday – special time with family and friends to celebrate another year of life, joy and growing up.
This year, rather than falling into the patterns of the past, I am making a conscious effort to exercise choice about this, choosing to lift myself up, rather than falling into old and familiar ways that don’t serve me well! All with God’s help. Today I listened to Stewart’s sermon from last Sunday, and I think it’s a bit like what he was talking about. Allowing Jesus to be at work in our lives so that we are delivered from an attraction to things that keep us captive to old ways and unhealthy patterns that close life down, rather than opening life up.
I do have ambitious plans for this year – ministry in a new parish, more post-grad studies, more outdoor adventure holidays with Brad (nothing extreme – let me make that clear!) and making time to spend with my children and their families. And I am absolutely up to the challenge!
I enjoy all these things and they refresh me for ministry. My children and their families bring particular joy. Our three living children are fiercely independent and brave people. They have withstood cyclonic storms in their lives and more than survived. While they too have been hurt and disappointed by life, they have grown into creative compassionate wise people. They are a great source of inspiration for me these days.
And our grandchildren – all so different! Which means there is a particular way to connect with each of them. Take Elliott, for example. Elliot’s birthday is the same as Mum’s – but also mine! Since Elliott was born in the US, her birthdate is my Mum’s. In real time though, she was born on my birthday! What are the chances?!
And so, as Elliot turns 2 this year, she is re-framing February for me as a month to enjoy, and to celebrate the birthdays of 3 generations of determined strong women – Mum, me, Elliott. Our ongoing connection can be a triumph of love, where we celebrate what is good and lifegiving and strong and healthy. And leave focussing on what isn’t – like the spent frangipanni leaves – aside.
I am so looking forward to my birthday this year! It will be fun and free.
I love Psalm 1, which our eldest daughter and her husband read at their wedding, using the tree motif for their wedding theme:
Blessed are those
who walk hand in hand with goodness,
who stand beside virtue,
who sit in the seat of truth;
For their delight is in the Spirit of Love,
and in Love’s heart they dwell day and night.
They are like trees planted by streams of water,
that yield fruit in due season,
and their leaves flourish;
And in all that they do, they give life.
From Psalms for Praying © 2007 Nan C. Merrill
What season are you in? And how is it for?
Can I encourage you to remain planted where the living water of God’s presence and provision and love might nurture the fruitfulness that is always being generated in your life.
Grace and peace,
Mary-Anne