Embrace Conflict
In my work with Trinity Family Support Network, a government-funded service that runs under Robina Anglican, I work with many families, parents, and kids. One of the issues that constantly comes up and has the most destructive potential for kids is separation and divorce, especially when the conflict spills over to the kids. This issue arises not only in my work with people but also among personal friends who have gone through this too. One thing that stands out is that, when the things we hold most dearly are involved, conflicts become messy.
I’m currently working with a family mediator, who has experience in family court, on a new course for people who are going through separation and have kids. Our aim is to help parents “keep hope” in such a challenging time—times when the temperature can rise to 100 in an instant and people say and do things they later regret.
A question we have been wrestling with is: How do we help people move from a mindset of justice for themselves, to an understanding of what the most important things are, even if it means sacrificing the justice they may want. This is easier said than done. But what is clear, is that conflict can’t be avoided and must be embraced. So then, how do we embrace conflict and look after one another at the same time, especially for those who are the most vulnerable?
When looking through Jesus’ actions, something is clear: He is in constant conflict with those around him. Whether it is his disciples and their desire for him to be a messiah that will take back control from the Roman Empire, or the Jewish people who would question him and try to catch him out. Something that stands out in these times is that Jesus almost never pushes back in a way that has any sort of violent tone to it. With the exception of turning over the tables and telling Peter to get back—but that is a different blog. There are many times when the mob of people are on his side, times when he could easily humiliate people for their lack of understanding, but he almost never does—or never does, depending on how you read a few interactions with the Pharisees. All that said, it doesn’t mean people aren’t humiliated or might not feel wronged. But Jesus is clearly only engaging as he is asked by those people, and he only engages to make clear the point of what is important. As a matter of fact, he is willing to humiliate himself to prove those points, as illustrated so well by the story of washing the disciples’ feet, healing those on the Sabbath, the woman at the well and many other things he does that are in direct conflict with the culture of the time—marking him as an outsider and are humiliating in the culture of the time.
As I have been reflecting on conflict and dealing with conflict, two strong themes emerge from this story and my discussion with the mediator I’m working with. They are: Know what is important—how you want to act and behave—and to do that, sometimes it means putting our own sense of justice aside. It might even be humiliating. Secondly, where do I want this to be long-term? It can be easy to make decisions because I want things now, but in conflict situations, this quite often leads to long-term problems.
While conflict can feel overwhelming, it also holds the potential for growth and healing. By approaching it with humility and a commitment to what is important, we can transform these challenging moments into opportunities for lasting peace.
So, have a go at embracing conflict.