The elephant in the church
The elephant in the room church.
There are lots of questions we don’t ask around church because the questions are too uncomfortable or emotive or complex. And perhaps that’s wise. To a point.
However, there’s one question I think is pressing. And really important.
Pre-Covid, we had dozens of children and young people participating in church on Sunday and other gatherings through the week. Where are they now? And where are our new young families?
While families are still seeking baptism for their babies – Stewart and I, sometimes Elroy, have baptisms at least once or twice a month – and it’s a wonderful opportunity and privilege to pastorally connect and re-tell the story of faith in a family gathering, the reality is that these families are not engaging in the ongoing life of our church, week to week or month to month. We invite baptism families to family-friendly services/events about 3 times in the year, with very limited response.
Almost every day I find myself in conversation with someone who asks these questions about ‘where are the children?’ in some form or other. It’s a pretty consistent concern in church and also family life. There seems to be a degree of sadness that we don’t have more children in our church services on Sunday. After all, we are pretty tech-savvy and musically relevant, we value our children and young people and provide a great programme to meet their needs on Sunday mornings, and we really try to be relational and inclusive in our way of being a church community.
On the other hand, Playgroup is jam-packed on Fridays! As a Trinity Family Support Network government-funded initiative, we are unable to overtly ‘proclaim’ the Christian message in words. However, I would argue that Anne, Bowen and their committed team of volunteers absolutely proclaim the good news that the kingdom of heaven has come near as they patiently listen, compassionately nurture the children and young parents and offer love and care and fun and a safe place for families with babies and toddlers to gather.
Our Riverwalk Early Learning Centre is also a place where we proclaim the good news through warmth and nurture, as well as engaging the kindy and pre-prep children in age-appropriate Christian worship each week. This is one of my weekly highlights! J I’m very excited to work alongside our new Director, Lisa Martin, to strengthen the opportunities to nurture Christian faith in the Anglican tradition amongst our ELC children and families.
And ministry in our Anglican schools is alive and well … more on that another time.
All of that said, our people express joy and gratitude for the community of lively and engaged children, high schoolers and young adults who we are blessed to have as part of our Robina Anglican church family on Sundays and at youth group on Thursdays. They bring a sense of life and connection to the realities of day-to-life for young people in 2023 that help us to remain grounded in the present and optimistic for the future.
When I joined the ministry team in 2021, as Covid was beginning to recede, we intentionally focussed on reconnecting with families, reaching out to all families who had been actively engaged in our church before 2020. However, what we discovered, along with churches all around Australia, is that young families had found a new pattern for doing weekends during Covid, and it didn’t include going to church on Sunday. What’s more, they didn’t seem to be missing church. Cafes, the beach, sport, sleeping in and family outings have happily replaced coming to church in person. At best, they might tune-in to our livestream, which is still fantastic.
This can all be pretty confronting, isn’t it. Especially when the families that aren’t in church with us are our own!
I’m really interested in finding out more and listening to the stories of this generation who, if they hadn’t dropped out of church by 2020, have dropped out of Sunday worship since Covid.
What are they thinking? Feeling? Asking? Needing?
A few weeks ago Ann McGuinness gave us a glimpse into what brought her back to church as a disengaged young woman, recently married and with a new baby. It was the love and acceptance of some older women in a church community. We can all show an interest in people of every age in our church community, and especially to those who may be tentatively connecting to find out whether this is the place for them.
It is encouraging that week by week, new people are joining us. Amongst them are some younger people, some of whom have never been to church or have not been in a very long time. When I ask them, ‘What brought you here this morning?’ they have responded by saying that Christian friends or work colleagues have prompted them to find out more about Christian faith. We invite them to make themselves at home, let them know they can’t make mistakes (our liturgy can be dauting for new people) and try to introduce them to someone else who they might connect with.
Another theme popping up regularly in conversations on Sundays and throughout the week is that many people who have recently joined our church community have commented on how ‘at home’ they do feel because people in our church have been so welcoming.
A smile. An invitation to come for coffee. Warmly welcoming someone who has mustered up the courage to walk in the front door of a place they are unfamiliar with to engage with people who are worshipping in an unfamiliar way is pretty courageous, don’t you think?
Our job is not to build a big church. Our job is to invite people to grow closer to God and to be drawn into a life of worship, prayer, service and love. Meeting Jesus who is God in the flesh, showing us what God is like, draws us into the fullness of life that is God’s desire for each and every human person. Every child, young person and adult.
Jesus calls us to love our neighbour. Every person we encounter is an opportunity for us to share God’s love by showing interest in that person, listening to their story, showing compassion and honouring the image of God in their personhood. Regardless of age, ethnicity or any other feature of who they are.
God’s spirit is moving. That’s what God’s spirit does. Everywhere and always. Here and now.
So let’s celebrate the children who are part of our community in many and various ways. Let’s show unconditional love to children and grandchildren in our families and friendship groups. And let’s listen to them as they guide us as to how we can be church for young people moving forward.
Asking ‘where are the children?’ need not be an elephant in the room!
Grace and peace,
Mary-Anne